My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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