Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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