I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
