you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
