there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
