One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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