We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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