Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
