I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
