Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
