My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
