I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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