Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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