Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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