I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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