He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
