I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
