have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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