and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
