ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
time to smoke my breakfast
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
