at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
false alarm, still single
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
