all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
