we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
