There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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