I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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