Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Randomize
