You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
