I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to calm my uterus...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
