I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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