$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I forgot wine drunk hurts
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
