is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
