found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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