feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
