You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
