someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
