i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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