At least make sure they are 18
Why
My first STD was from a foam party
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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