If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
