Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
