I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
