i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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