Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
