we're chasing vodka with high fives
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
