Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
