Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Enjoy the penises
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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