I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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