it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
