Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
