she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
