It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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