we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
